Yahwei's Adventures
by Luminescent Rainbow Veins
Summary: Starts in Heart of Thorns but it'll be an ongoing process. i'll post another story of just the amount of headcanon my friend and I made. Edit: the story is actually done for now until I can find the rest of the headcanon whisp and I made. sorry about this.


Chapter 1

Yahwei Allech makes his way up into the Omphalos chamber, hearing Mother's gentle giggles. Perking up inquisitively, he continues his path across the nature-filled landscape over to a group of some rather familiar sylvari. Yahwei looks up to see Mom just giggling, almost cackling with restrained humour. Trahearne is kneeling in front of Mother, ineffectively slamming his head into his knee. Yahwei can hear laughter from elsewhere and it sounds rather familiar as well. Shaking his head, he kneels before Mother and can't help but smile.

"Yahwei," the gentle voice of mother tree resounds around the clearing. He looks up, rising from his kneeling position and prepares to listen to more words of wisdom. She giggles mischievously, her eyes occasionally shifting to the left and down at Trahearne. "Yahwei, would you like to learn about Trahearne's first experiences out of the pod?"

Trahearne just _freezes._

Panicked, he looks up hurriedly and exclaims, "I'm sure that's not necessary Mother. How about we move onto the real issue at-"

To the left of Mother, another sylvari decloaks, still laughing herself to tears. "No, no, hahaha-no, Trae. I'm sure Yahwei needs to hear this." Yahwei turns to face Caithe, confused by her rather crazed cackles. Trahearne looks like he just wants to bury himself in the mud and never return. Caithe's smirks slowly turn into an expression Yahwei can't quite recognize… though it feels far too familiar to him. "You see, when the firstborns were first.. well, born, we all had a single command from Mother. A command we were… eager to fulfill. Trae even started the whole or-"

"Caithe! That information doesn't need to be shared! Please!" Yahwei turns back to Trahearne's pleading eyes and decides to give him some mercy. "Mother, I'm sure you have called me for a reason. May I receive the information?"

Mother's eyes are now _sparkling._ "Of course, my son! I must warn you though… this information may be a little too _long_ and _hard_ for you to understand". Yahwei does his best to ignore the undertones and nods in confirmation. Caithe is now cackling near the edge of the chamber and he watches her fall out with a shriek. Mother pouts in your direction but continues to hand out the information.

"The thing is, is my dear… Mordremoth.. He's awake."

* * *

Yahwei is gliding across the Maguuma Jungle, doing his very best to dodge vines and branches. He can hear the rumbling of Mordremoth and prepares to ignore the screams, but it turns out to be something a little more pleasing to his ears.

"My children are into some kinky shit," Yahwei barely hears his Father mutter. That alone almost causes him to slam into the cliffside and send him tumbling as he banks down and prepares to land. Landing clumsily, he frantically sketches out a message in the dirt because this has to be the first time Father didn't nigh send him into a coma from his extremely loud rumbles. 'What do you mean,' he writes out, looking to the rest of the Pact like a sylvari losing his mind. You hear the rumbling start again and hope to the Pale Tree that he doesn't shriek in Yahwei's poor ears. "Well… your mother has always been rather… insatiable."

Insatiable? That doesn't sound like the Mother that he knows. He finds her kind, if not a bit of a prankster at times. As if hearing his thoughts, Father rumbles again, much more quietly, if not a tad… shy? "She really loves-well, um… She really loves sex, okay! It doesn't even matter who it's with! Norns, Charr, Asura! How does she even fit that-" Woah okay! Father's reaching some thoughts that Yahwei simply doesn't want to hear and he immediately tunes his Father out again.

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME RIGHT NOW, YAHWEI?!"

The entire jungle rumbles and shakes, roars beginning to sound off from every angle. Yahwei curses and prepares to fight but the entire Pact camp is still just staring at him. He just shakes his head and gets to business. As he sprints by two humans, he hears "I bet your dick can't even match his thickness" followed by "Them's fightin' words". He shakes his head incredulously.

'Is the whole jungle on drugs or something?'

* * *

Apparently, there's been a rumor going around about the difference between the innocent and the… corrupted sylvari. Yahwei, curious about the rumor, goes to investigate the sylvari himself. As he glides onto the scene, he prepares himself for combat. Once again, he hears Father's rumbling voice call out to him, "Oh you won't need weapons for this, my son". Yahwei squints, his eyes making out various wriggling shapes in the darkness. 'Are… are those sylvari- OH MY GOSH I SHOULDN'T BE SEEING THIS RIGHT NOW' He hurriedly closes his eyes and slams directly into a… lovemaking couple. Getting up, he shouts, "I'm so sorry" and does his best to get off the two women. They smirk, their eyes glinting in a way he doesn't really want to think about and trap him in between them like an odd all-sylvari sandwich. All veggies.

"How about you stay for awhile instead, handsome?" Yahwei is absolutely panicking by now, wanting to save his first time for Trahearne and relays that desire to the sultry couple. They giggle and exchange some… mysterious looks before freeing him with two hard slaps on his butt. Yahwei can't help but feel slightly violated and gets off to… interrogate the next couple.

"Come back to us when you're ready to take someone for a ride~" one sylvari shouts as he makes his way out of the camp. He successfully asks his questions even though it takes some.. bribery from the other corrupted sylvari. As he makes his way out of the refugee camp covered in saliva and other juices, he notices a norn male laughing his head off at Yahwei's situation. Feeling vindictive, he snarls "Your face looks like a mutated mushroom" as he stalks by.

'Why am I still so sticky?'

* * *

"CAITHE!" Yahwei roars in fury. "RETURN THE EGG NOW-NOT AGAIN, THORNS AND BRAMBLES!" Exasperated, Yahwei drags a palm down his face, groaning tiredly. Caithe is somehow tied up like a shibari doll and has the egg tied to her crotch. He sees a sign next to her.

'F*** me or lose the egg'

'...' Rytlock and Canach finally arrive on the scene, Rytlock grinning so hard he looks like he's about to chomp on some flesh and Canach is muttering about Mother's se- um, appetite. Rytlock turns his grin towards Yahwei, his grin somehow widening and suggests, "Go on, Commander. Show us how to buzz her turbine." Canach is futilely punching himself in the face, muttering "There's cum in your hair, Commander." Looking absolutely horrified, Yahwei shakes his head like a dog and scrapes out the white liquids before wiping them onto Caithe's gagged face. She does her best to stick her tongue out past the gag and lick away at the juices. Yahwei gags and goes through the awkward hour of trying to untie Caithe from the egg without touching her… wet spot. Eventually, Rytlock just slashes at the ropes, muttering "I'm not sure which Caithe is better. This one or the depressed one". Caithe just gives him a dirty look.

'At least Father is trying to kill us-' "I'm not." '-curses.'


End file.
